Chaos 2
by quicksilver angel
Summary: Sequel 2 Chaos. I reckon it's pretty funny, tho there's quite a bit of swearing, so...yeah. And when I say parody, I mean PARODY. R&R pleez
1. Bump bump bump

Chapter 1  
  
I'm back! Back! Woohoo!  
  
*does a Homer Simpson impression*  
  
Me! YES! ME!  
  
....  
  
.... Got that out of my system.... Or have I?  
  
NEWA, finally found my writing drive again. I had to coax it out from under my bed, so I'm kinda covered in dust, but whateva. My writing drive is sitting next to me again, and I'm ready to type.  
  
*takes several deep breaths*  
  
Okay, here we go.  
  
~*~  
  
"Gandalf! Slow down!" Pleaded the hairy-footed creature, stumbling along awkwardly behind the tall wizard. "I can't keep up with you!"  
  
Frowning with impatience, Gandalf the White turned to glare at the hobbit. "Hurry up, Frodo," he said, voice kind despite the scowl on his face. "We've a long way to go yet."  
  
"I know," said Frodo, sadly.  
  
"Please, sir," begged another hairy-footed....thing. "Master Frodo's feet hurt, and....truth be told, so do mine."  
  
"Uh huh! Don't forget us!" Two more funny-looking creatures piped up. "It's been so long since breakfast. We're hungry."  
  
"You're always hungry," retorted a man, striding up behind them. He carried a sword at his belt, like his companions, and a grumpy expression. Nevertheless, he tossed a few apples at the hungry hobbits.  
  
As the odd group trouped along, something in the trees moved. Instantly, the elf at the back of the group swung around, his eyes scanning the foliage.  
  
"What is it, Legolas?" asked the dark-haired man, stepping behind the elf. The two eyed a clump of bushes suspiciously.  
  
"Is it orcs?" whispered Frodo Baggins, clutching something at his throat. He drew his sword, which gleamed dully in the sunlight. Glancing at it, he shrugged and sheathed it.  
  
"Could it be one of his spies?" whispered Aragorn, looking around warily.  
  
"You mean the Ring-wraiths?" asked Frodo. The fat hobbit that had defended him quickly stepped up to a defensive position beside him, drawing his own sword.  
  
"They'll have to get past us to get to you, Master Frodo," he said loyally.  
  
Frodo smiled vaguely at him. "Thank you, Sam," he said, his mind obviously on other things. The ring constantly beckoned to him, trying to return to its original master. The Ring wants to be found, whispered a voice in his head. Frodo jumped and quickly tucked the Ring away. As he looked back up, he caught Boromir's eyes on him. He stared back defiantly until the man looked away, smiling dryly. It was not the first time Frodo had caught Boromir staring at him. Suddenly, he wondered. Was Boromir....?  
  
A sudden scream broke off his thought, and a wild-haired girl leapt out of the bushes where Aragorn and Legolas were staring. Gimli jumped and quickly rushed to join his friends.  
  
"EW!" she shrieked. "THERE'S SPIDERS IN THERE!"  
  
A second remark soon followed this.  
  
"Ew. There's Christina in there." Another girl stepped out of the same bushes, carrying a round object in her hand. "I found-" She began, then froze. "No. Not again."  
  
"Who are you?" demanded Aragorn, his sword in one hand.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Another girl flew out of the same bushes. "There a toad in-"  
  
Frodo began to wonder again. Maybe this was where humans came from.  
  
"Oh. It's Christina." The third girl blinked as she looked at her surroundings. "What's happened now?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much," drawled the second girl. "Nothing other than the fact that we've managed to fall into another story and there's two weirdos with a bunch of weapons asking what our names are, but other than that, nothing's really happened. You can go back to sleep."  
  
"No. I want to eat my chocolate," replied the first girl, pulling something out of her pocket. She began to peel it, then noticed the other people around her. Her eyes grew wary and she scowled. "I'm NOT sharing," she said, and turned her back to the group, opening the chocolate in supposed 'secrecy'. "Heh, heh, heh. Mm....chocolate."  
  
"Christina, don't be such a pig," scolded a new voice. "What are you taking so long for...." She looked around, blinking. "Hey. It's Lord of the Rings. Yay! I like Lord of the Rings better than Harry Potter!"  
  
"Uh nuh. Y'don't say. I was wondering why you had all those posters of Orlando-"  
  
"SHUT UP!" screeched the girl who preferred Lord of the Rings to Harry Potter.  
  
The second girl grinned wickedly, displaying....um....well....braces, actually. "Okay, okay. Take a chill pill, Bicky."  
  
*that's Bicky, NOT Becky. My spelling hasn't gone completely wacko*  
  
"You took that off me," the girl frowned.  
  
Frodo stared. Sam took a menacing step forward.  
  
"No I didn't. And you didn't make it up. The script-writer or whatever in 'Black Knight' used it," retorted the second girl. She smirked smugly. "So THERE, Biscuit Girl."  
  
"Uh." 'Bicky' rolled her eyes. In truth, her name was 'Victoria', although her 'friends' had managed to twist it from 'Victoria' to 'Vicky' to 'Bicky' to 'Biscuit'. From there, it ran down three different roads. There was 'Biscuit Girl', 'Arnotts', 'Tim Tam' to 'Little Timmy' or 'Tam o Shanter'. The last was a type of hat, kinda like a beret. Funny, the kinda names you can make up for ordinary names like Victoria. (  
  
"Who art thou?" thundered Gandalf.  
  
"Sheesh, don't get your beard in a knot," sighed the second girl. Then she stopped and speculated upon what she had just said. "Not that it can get any more untidy, of course."  
  
Legolas suddenly reached up and self-consciously patted his gleaming blonde hair. "How about me?" he asked anxiously. "Is MY hair okay?"  
  
The others snorted, although the elf ignored them. "Well?"  
  
"Uh....yeah. It's fine," the girl nodded slowly.  
  
"Whew!" Legolas delicately wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead. "For a minute, you had me worried there." He turned to Gandalf. "Don't worry, Gandalf," he said encouragingly. "I'll give you some tips for keeping your hair tidy."  
  
"WHAT?" The wizard stared at him. "Ugh. Never mind. Anyway, for the last time, who ARE you females?"  
  
"Females?" A girl who had quietly crawled out of the bush along with another girl arched a brow. "Excuse me, but that's-" she never reached 'sexist'. Instantly, the second girl cut in.  
  
"That's okay, Sue," she said. "Just cuz you're not-"  
  
"EW!" Chorused eleven voices. "GROSS!"  
  
The girl smiled impishly, unabashed.  
  
"Anyway," Victoria rolled her eyes at her sarcastic friend. "My name's Victoria, the girl eating the chocolate is Christina, the one who hates toads is Michelle, the sicko is Rachel, the-"  
  
"I object!" gasped Rachel. Victoria ignored her.  
  
"The female-rights supporter is Sue and the one who hasn't said a word yet is Stephanie," finished the self-appointed spokesperson for the group.  
  
Stephanie smiled.  
  
"What do you mean, female-rights supporter?" spluttered Sue.  
  
"Shut up," snapped Rachel. "And I am not a-"  
  
"Michelle? Sue? What names are these?" Gandalf looked genuinely taken aback, "are you from another land?"  
  
"Kinda," shrugged Rachel. "You see, we're from Australia, only the set of this is in New Zealand, so even if that might be another country, it-"  
  
"Rachel?"  
  
"Yeah?" Rachel looked at Victoria quizzically.  
  
"I don't think that's what he meant," said Victoria. She cleared her throat and addressed Gandalf in a formal tone. "Indeed, my friends-"  
  
Michelle sniggered. Rachel arched a brow. Stephanie choked.  
  
"Oh. Right." Victoria shuddered. "Well, as I was saying, these-oh-AGHR! THEY and I-"  
  
"These people," corrected Rachel.  
  
"People? Men!" Frodo interrupted eagerly. "Gandalf! These are more men to help us! Are they to be part of the Fellowship as well?"  
  
"Women," corrected Sue, angrily. "Honestly! Men are all so stupid!"  
  
"He's a hobbit, Sue," drawled Rachel, "a man is a totally different species to his. Or rather, race."  
  
"Quite right, er...." Pippin's voice trailed off under Gandalf's ferocious glare.  
  
"What were you doing in that bush over there?" roared Gandalf, raising his staff threateningly.  
  
"Eating dirt." Rachel, no doubt.  
  
"IMPERTINENT CHILD! ANSWER MY QUESTION!" Gandalf snapped. A blast of power shot out of the end of his staff, hitting the sarcastic girl square in the chest.  
  
BANG!  
  
"FUCK!" The unfortunate, highly-intelligent, beautiful child squeaked as she fell flat on her back. In case you hadn't noticed, Rachel is, in fact, me.  
  
"COOL!" Michelle's eyes lit up and she giggled. "CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN? HUH? HUH? PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ? HEE HEE! KILL HER! AHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Gandalf glared at the girl, still panting over the use of such magic. "No."  
  
"Aw...." Michelle looked sulky. "PLEEZ?"  
  
"No."  
  
Michelle blinked several times, shocked. Slowly, her features rearranged themselves and a scowl bloomed on her face. "HUMPH! WELL I DON'T CARE THEN!" shrieked Michelle, suddenly angry. "YOU SHOULD JUST FUCK OFF THEN, YOU STUPID FREAKING WIZARD!" She stamped her foot angrily and ran off into the trees.  
  
*  
  
And that's it for now. If you want more, you've gotta review. By the way, Sue's a new student at my school, and she's kinda weird, so....yeah....  
  
I hope you liked that first chapter, cuz like, I had to take some time off homework to do it.... Tell me watcha think. 


	2. Little Guys can do Big Things

~ Chapter 2 ~  
  
Yeah, me again. I LOVE that song by Boomcat- The Reckoning. 'S the coolest. Oh, hang on. Eminem's 8 Mile, and Linkin Park's Somewhere I Belong are pretty sick too.  
  
Sorry. Just listenin' to the radio.  
  
NEWA, enjoy!  
  
*  
  
Saraman the White looked over his work and smiled with satisfaction. His work for Sauron was almost complete. The orcs were strong, and would serve their master (and his) well.  
  
"No," said a young voice from behind him. "It won't work."  
  
"What?" Saraman whirled around to face a girl of foreign origin. She stared back evenly, and repeated, "It won't work."  
  
"What do you mean?" demanded the wizard, testily. He was an old man, and did not approve of being told that his ideas wouldn't work by a girl barely into her teens.  
  
"That ladder over there," explained the girl patiently, waving a hand loftily at the construction below. "It's far too big to lean against a wall at that angle. I'm not saying that you should discard your idea altogether, but you may have to make a few changes to it in order for your ladder to work."  
  
Saraman's scowl grew deeper. "How dare you!" he shouted. "Who are you to tell Saraman the White that his ideas will not work?"  
  
"My name is Angeline," said the girl, extending a hand, "pleased to meet you, Mister Saraman."  
  
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, ignoring the hand she was offering.  
  
"I don't know," shrugged Angeline. "I was reading my dictionary as usual, and then I realised that I hadn't seen my friends for a while, which accounted for the unusual tranquillity of the room. I then went to look for them, and found them playing handball in the courtyards. Michelle hit the ball far too violently, and it went flying into the bushes. Naturally, she swore and leapt into the bushes after it, whereupon she vanished. My other friends ran in after her, without thinking over what might have happened, despite my warnings of a danger that could have been lurking in the vegetation. In fact, I think they went in faster after that." Angeline stopped for breath, frowning at the memory. "Well, of course, THEY disappeared as well, leaving me alone. Therefore, I went in after them after a few minutes, and....well....here I am."  
  
Even as Angeline was explaining her story to Saraman, her....ahem. 'Friends' were telling their own tale to the Fellowship.  
  
"See, Angeline was nagging as usual, and then we went into the bushes in the hope that some kind of deadly beast might be lurking in there so it would kill us quickly, so we wouldn't have to listen to her anymore," finished Rachel. She smiled. "And here we are!"  
  
"That's a pretty long sentence," said Victoria.  
  
"What? And here we are?" Rachel looked puzzled. "Poor, deprived child. Who taught you English?" She shook her head sadly. "I pity thee, for thou art too stupid to-"  
  
"SHUT UP!" screamed Victoria. "YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN GET IT RIGHT!"  
  
"She is very loud, is she not?" asked Legolas, eyeing Victoria quizzically.  
  
Catching the elf's eye on her, Victoria blushed and hastily shut her mouth.  
  
*Why does it seem like the whole WORLD of females is in love with Orlando Bloom/Legolas? I mean, I know he's cute, but....seriously. Ah well. By the way, does anyone know how to spell Saraman? I don't*  
  
"Get what right?" asked Rachel. "Y'mean the thing about the posters of-"  
  
"GO AWAY!" squeaked Victoria. "YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!"  
  
A murmur of agreement ripples around the circle, as the others nod.  
  
"Merci."  
  
"Ugh." Victoria rolled her eyes skywards. "You're hopeless."  
  
Another murmur of agreement rises.  
  
"Je suis la reine."  
  
"What?" Sue stared.  
  
Steph began to giggle. "Huh?"  
  
"I dunno where that came from," grinned Rachel, sheepishly. "By the way, how're we meant to get back?"  
  
"We're going back already?" asked Victoria, looking disappointed. "So soon?"  
  
"NO! I'm not going!" sniffed Christina. "I'm staying with Legolas."  
  
"Two timer," scolded Stephanie. "What about Harry?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Harry Potter."  
  
"Oh. Him." Christina shrugged. "He's not so cute anymore, but-"  
  
"Dawson," murmured Rachel. "Yeah, yeah, Dawson!"  
  
"Oh shut UP, Rachel," sniffed Christina.  
  
*We've got this thing going now, about Christina and Dawson from Dawson's Creek. Halfway through her debating speech which was about the Simpsons, she started talking about Dawson's Creek. Now we're obsessed with the idea of Christina with Dawson. We've even got a song! Hee hee. Sad*  
  
"Note, that is about the fifth time they have told me to shut up?" asked Rachel, looking hurt. She spread her arms, palms-upward. "Why?"  
  
"Shut up," said Pippin. He grinned. "Hee hee. Shut up. I like saying that. What does it mean? Shut up, shut up, shut-"  
  
THWACK!  
  
Rachel's hand connected with his face. "YOU shut up," she said to the startled hobbit. "Go home."  
  
"It means 'be quiet' in a rude sort of way," explained Stephanie. She patted the hobbit on the shoulder. "You shouldn't say that to Rachel until you're big enough to face the consequences."  
  
"Hey!" protested Victoria. "Being big doesn't mean that you can solve the world's problems!"  
  
Rachel frowned. "Are you suggesting that I'm one of the world's problems?" she demanded indignantly.  
  
Stephanie nodded. "Right up there with Saddaam and Bush," she said, kindly.  
  
"Aw...." Rachel's shoulders drooped.  
  
"Anyway," continued Victoria. "Little guys can do big things!" She beamed and planted her hands akimbo. "Like me!"  
  
*  
  
Howzat? 


	3. Repetion

~ Chapter 3 ~  
  
Hi again! Thanx for tunin' back in for another chapter of....  
  
Me.  
  
....and the LOTR characters, and my friends, but mostly....  
  
Me.  
  
*  
  
Michelle muttered curses under her breath as she stormed through the scrub. "Stupid wizard," she growled. "I'll show him. I'll be the best fucking wizard in the world and then I'LL kill Rachel." Then she stopped and reflected on that. If she had the ability to kill people, then she'd better accomplish her lifelong goal first. Angeline. How to kill Angeline? Hmm....  
  
Suddenly, a sour smell drifted through the air. Michelle jumped and made a face, gagging. Glancing up ahead, Michelle caught sight of a mounted, black cloaked figure. For some reason it looked familiar. "Hmm...." she said. "Let me think. How do I know those smelly thingies....?" Christina? No. Christina couldn't ride a horse to save her life. Suddenly, a nasty thought drifted into Michelle's mind. What if....? No. Must concentrate, she told herself. Like orange juice! She giggled at her own joke.  
  
Sad.  
  
The thing stopped, and slowly turned its hooded head to look at the girl. Michelle stared back.  
  
"What're YOU staring at?" she demanded angrily. "Get lost!"  
  
A long moment passed, as the thing took a deep breath, trying to sniff out the Ring.  
  
"What's your fucking problem, huh?" snarled Michelle, taking a bold step forward. "What? You gotta cold?"  
  
The horse that carried the thing snorted, rolling its red eyes.  
  
"Don't YOU roll your eyes at ME, you stupid horsey!" shrieked Michelle. This was the last straw. Whipping her wand out of her pocket, she levelled it at the Ring Wraith and shouted, "Crucio!"  
  
Meanwhile, back in the little forest clearing with the Fellowship, but (most importantly) me....  
  
"You ALWAYS say that!" groaned Rachel. "That is SUCH a cliché!"  
  
"What....?" Victoria frowned. "What's wrong with that?"  
  
"Cliché?" asked Aragorn. "What is a cliché?"  
  
Rachel's jaw dropped. Her eyes widened. "Are you stupid?" she asked, "or are you stupid?"  
  
Legolas frowned. "Am I mistaken in thinking that you just asked the same question twice?" he asked.  
  
*OK, OK. No need to scream at me. I KNOW. I have no idea WHAT the LOTR characters are like. Sigh *  
  
"No."  
  
"Then....why did you repeat it?" Legolas looked genuinely puzzled.  
  
Christina let out a longing sigh and leaned over to Rachel. "He looks SO cute like that," she giggled breathlessly.  
  
"What?" asked Rachel innocently. "The look of utter ignorance? You must be ADORABLE."  
  
Christina blinked, blankly.  
  
"Aw...." drawled Rachel, spinning the other girl round to face the rest of the group. "Ain't she cute?"  
  
Gandalf appeared lost for words. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, then closed it again.  
  
"What's he doing?" asked Victoria, giggling.  
  
"Airing his mouth," shrugged Rachel knowingly. "You wanna tic tac?"  
  
"Don't be mean," scolded Stephanie.  
  
"Yeah, well being one of the world's problems, I guess that's my job, isn't it?" shrugged Rachel.  
  
"Well, seeing that we're already in LOTR, why don't we help Frodo?" asked Victoria. "I mean, with our grasp of magic-"  
  
Rachel muttered something under her breath.  
  
"What?" Victoria shot a sharp look at her, brows twitching together.  
  
"Albeit, rudimentary. I reckon we should drag our arses straight back to the world of fairies and Christina's ex, before Gollum strangles us in our sleep," repeated Rachel.  
  
*  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Atak of da bad spelin! Rn 4 yor lyvs!  
  
.........................  
  
I'm sorry but I'll have to end this chapter here. I've just forgotten how to spell, and Writer's Block is coming up in waves stronger than the stench that rolls off Chrissy-tina. Sorry, Chris. Tina  
  
Nah, newa, my spelling's gone bonkers, so....yeah.  
  
Cyas! 


	4. Modifications from Good2Bad

~ Chapter 4 ~  
  
Guess who's back....guess who's back....guess who's back....  
  
No prizes, though.  
  
*  
  
"Then what do you propose I do?" demanded Saruman angrily. "I can't just....LEAVE it."  
  
"I didn't say you should," replied Angeline, with an infuriating smirk. "I simply said that you should....modify it, shall we say? So that it DOES work. Do you understand?"  
  
She smiled kindly, as if talking to a very stupid person. Which, compared to the rest of the world, Angeline was surrounded by.  
  
"But....HOW?" spluttered Saruman. He stamped his foot. "I don't get it!"  
  
Angeline patted his arm reassuringly. "There, there, Saruman."  
  
"It's all stupid!" wailed Saruman, tears springing to his eyes. "I'M stupid! Boo hoo hoo!"  
  
"No you're not," said Angeline comfortingly. "You're MUCH smarter than my friends...." She considered her words. "SOME of my friends, actually. Michelle's really quite intelligent, although a red mist of violence often clouds her better sense." She frowned and pursed her lips. "IF it's still there."  
  
Angeline began to think. How could an intelligent person not have good sense, and yet, still retain their intelligence? However, there was no mistaking it. Michelle DID have a brain. The problem was in how she used it. If Michelle actually tried to use her knowledge of maths to-  
  
"How does it work then?" sniffed Saruman. "It's too HARD."  
  
"No it's not," replied Angeline. "It's a simple matter of gravity and weight. If a weight is too great, then gravity will bring it crashing back down to the ground. This is also partially because of imbalance, which is not spreading the weight of the ladder evenly enough. The highest point cannot be greater in weight than the lowest part, or equal in weight. Equality of weight will cause it to come crashing down anyway, because of the height. The higher something is, the lighter it should be....that is, if you want it to be stable."  
  
"But-" began Saruman.  
  
"Yes, I know, I know," nodded Angeline. "The wind will blow, and therefore the ladder will rock."  
  
Saruman nodded.  
  
"HOWEVER," Angeline smirked. "The weight at the bottom of the ladder will act as an anchor, holding it in place in much the same way as a ship on choppy water its anchor. If the weight is divided appropriately and accurately enough, no wind will be able to shift it. Albeit, the angle at which you place the ladder will play a large role in stability as well."  
  
"Oh...." Saruman nodded slowly. "I get it."  
  
Angeline beamed. "I thought you might," she said.  
  
Back with the Fellowship....  
  
"NO!" shouted Christina. "I'M NOT GOING!"  
  
"Gollum?" asked Merry and Pippin in unison.  
  
*Y'know, if you read that bit out loud, it kinda rhymes....*  
  
The three fighters gasped.  
  
"Gollum?" gasped Gimli, looking startled.  
  
"Gollum?" demanded Legolas, looking outraged.  
  
"Gollum?" whispered Aragorn, a sad look resting in his eyes.  
  
"I did not know that it still lived," Legolas said, in elfin speech.  
  
"It does," replied Aragorn mournfully, in the same tongue. "The Ring has given it an unnaturally long lifespan."  
  
"Prolonged," corrected Rachel kindly.  
  
"And so now it stalks our every move," sighed Legolas. He clenched his fists in anger. "If I were ever to find that....that....monster, I'd kill it! Will we ever be rid of it?"  
  
"Who?" asked Rachel. "Michelle?"  
  
Aragorn opened his mouth to speak, then froze. "You understand Elvish?" he asked, startled.  
  
"Who me? No," shrugged Rachel. Then she too froze. "Hey cool! I CAN!"  
  
"You CAN what?" snapped Victoria.  
  
"Walk on the moon." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Oh HONESTLY, Biscuit. Use your brain."  
  
Victoria scowled.  
  
And now we move on to....Squishy.  
  
The beast that the creature rode whinnied and reared, pawing at the sky.  
  
"WOW!" exclaimed Michelle, her eyes lighting up. "FUCKING COOL! YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING PHANTOM!"  
  
The Ring Wraith sat back down, apparently not affected by the curse. "the ring...." it hissed, reaching out with a clawed hand. "the ring...."  
  
"The WHAT?" Michelle stared. "You're CRAZY." She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. "CRAZY." She repeated, fluttering her hands at the sides of her face. "Woah."  
  
"the RING...." urged the Ring Wraith.  
  
"Just like my new best friend!" giggled Michelle. "Electra!"  
  
*by the way, in case you hadn't noticed, there's a few new people mentioned here....they're new to the school, and....so....yeah....*  
  
"Only Electra's crazier," continued Michelle. "She's crazy as a LOON! Hee hee! A LOON!"  
  
The sharp hiss of steel rang out as the Ring Wraith drew its sword.  
  
Michelle grinned. "Finally," she said. "Violence."  
  
Shoving her wand back into her pocket, she rolled up her sleeves and settled into a fighting crouch. "Come on then," she taunted. "If you're ready."  
  
*  
  
I know. My chapters are really short now. But considering that I write them in class, I reckon it's a pretty sick achievement. I'm quite proud of myself. But then again, that's me.  
  
Well....hope ya like it so far. R&R 


	5. Katie's Entrance

~ Chapter 5 ~  
  
We won our debate! Yay!  
  
*  
  
The Ring Wraith charged at Michelle, holding its sword like a lance.  
  
"DIE!" began Michelle, her face lighting up. However, before either combatant could do anything, a form fell from the sky.  
  
WHUMP.  
  
A form fell from the sky, landing with a satisfying 'thump' on the Ring Wraith. The creature screeched and crumpled over its horse.  
  
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the newcomer. "AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!" She struggled to get off the Ring Wraith. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"  
  
"Hi, Katie," said Michelle pleasantly. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Katie stopped screaming and looked at Michelle. "Hi, Squishy," she grinned, waving. The Ring Wraith wheezed, crashing onto the ground, unnoticed by either girl.  
  
With a groan, the Ring Wraith picked itself up from off the floor and staggered into the underbrush.  
  
"I was wondering where you guys were," said Katie. "Where'd you go?"  
  
"Here," said Michelle, looking confused. "At least....I THINK that's where I went. But if I'm here, then I can't GO here, I can only COME here. That sounds like Rachel....or Tangerine. I dunno....does that even make sense?" She screwed up her face. "Blah! You've stuffed me up now. I'm confused."  
  
Katie blinked.  
  
Back 2 the Fellowship.  
  
A/N (Author's Note)  
  
Dozzat sound weird?  
  
E/A/N (End of Author's Note)  
  
"Oh!" Victoria stopped scowling. "Yeah! I CAN!"  
  
Rachel shook her head sadly. "And you took your own sweet time in understanding."  
  
"Well, she IS Biscuit," said Christina, beaming widely. "Hee hee! Geddit? Biscuit? Sweet time? SWEET BISCUIT?" She completely lost control of herself and threw her head back, laughing.  
  
Sue giggled. "That IS funny," she said. "But I'm going back to Jarrah." She sighed, and her eyes grew dreamy.  
  
A/N  
  
Sue's looking over my shoulder. She just told me that 'Jarrah' has two 'r's' in it. We (Vic 'n I) thought she said 'two arses'. Whoops.  
  
E/A/N  
  
"Save us," mumbled Rachel, casting her eyes skyward.  
  
"Who's Jarrah?" asked Stephanie, curiously.  
  
"A guy that Sue has a crush on," explained Victoria, grinning wickedly. "Isn't that right, Sue?"  
  
Sue flapped her hands in a flustered manner, blushing. "Just....shut up about him, OK?"  
  
A/N  
  
Sue's pissed that I'm writing about her crush. Oh well. She's been pissing ME off for the past few weeks. Don't annoy me, Sue. I can do very, very nasty things to you.  
  
E/A/N  
  
"Okay, but you were the one who brought him up," shrugged Rachel, spreading her hands in defeat.  
  
"Actually, if you think about it, it was his mother who-"  
  
Gandalf levelled his staff at the girl, issuing a blast of white magic. Sue hardly had time to protest before she went flying back, back, back, into the world of Harry Potter.  
  
"Yay!" exclaimed Rachel, clapping her hands together. "She's gone!"  
  
"Where's Michelle?" asked Victoria suddenly, looking puzzled.  
  
"Who knows, who cares?" shrugged Rachel.  
  
Victoria nodded thoughtfully. "True," she admitted.  
  
"We have wasted far too much time listening to this nonsense!" snapped Gandalf, looking angry again. He and the rest of the Fellowship had been listening patiently to the dialogue for quite a while, but his patience had reached its limit. "Leave, all of you!"  
  
A shocked silence followed, only to be broken by Rachel.  
  
"I don't mean to be rude," she remarked mildly. "But you don't have to listen. I mean, we're not keeping you here, are we? Do you see any chains binding you to the spot?"  
  
Gandalf glowered.  
  
"I thought so." Rachel smiled sweetly at him. "So why complain? You're free to leave anytime you like."  
  
No one moved.  
  
"Well, there you have it," beamed Rachel. "Looks like there's nothing to complain about then, hey?"  
  
"Y'know, you can be really, really, REALLY annoying," said Victoria.  
  
"I don't only HAVE the potential to irritate people," corrected Rachel. "I USE it."  
  
"So we noticed," said Victoria.  
  
"REALLY?" Rachel's eyes grew wide. "DID you, now? Cuz I was wondering why you kept swearing at me and telling me to shut up-"  
  
"Well you need wonder no more," said Legolas. He looked at Victoria eagerly. "Is that good? Was that offensive?"  
  
Victoria smiled dreamily back at him. "Yeah."  
  
Rachel choked.  
  
"Come, Frodo!" boomed Gandalf. "We must be on our way."  
  
"Aw...." Frodo looked reluctant. "But my feet hurt, and- well, I think they're actually quite amusing."  
  
"AMUSING?" gasped Victoria, eyes wide. "HOW DARE YOU!"  
  
"He dares, Vicky," said Rachel. "He dares."  
  
*  
  
Short chapters for short people. Cheers! 


	6. Calling and Answering

~ Chapter 6 ~  
  
Hey, look! Another chapter! I'm on a role here.  
  
Oh, by the way. Was anyone offended by my last statement?  
  
*  
  
Michelle was humming under her breath as she and Katie headed through the scrub.  
  
"What are you humming?" asked Katie, sounding nervous. Singing was for HAPPY people. Michelle was NOT happy unless she was murdering someone.  
  
"Gayschool!" shouted Michelle, flinging her hands in the air. "Yay! Gayschool!  
  
~ There's a bear in there ~  
  
~ And an electric chair ~  
  
~ There's people with AIDS ~  
  
~ And hand grenades ~  
  
~ Open wide ~  
  
~ Come inside ~  
  
~ It's gayschool ~  
  
Like it?"  
  
Katie shook her head sadly. If there was one thing worse than 1 Michelle, it had to be a singing Michelle. If only there were 2 Michelles. Then there would be no more Michelles left in the world, because the Michelles would be busy killing each other.  
  
Sigh. Wouldn't that be nice?  
  
"So what are you doing here?" asked Katie. "Where's Angeline and the others?"  
  
"I killed them," said Michelle. "Actually, no. I'm GOING to kill them. I've got this whole plan, right? I'm gonna become the best fucking wizard in the whole fucking world. And THEN- here's the best bit- I'm gonna hunt 'em all down and kill them! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT? HUH? HUH? HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Katie sighed.  
  
A/N  
  
I'm serious. Michelle really DOES wanna kill us all. It was freaky at first and kinda weird, cuz we kept wondering why steak knives kept ending up in our pillows. But we've gotten used to it now, so yeah. It's cool.  
  
E/A/N  
  
Angeline was looking around at the construction of her ladders, smiling. "Excellent!" she beamed. "This is great! You're going to have invincible ladders by the time I'M finished, Mr Saruman. Say, as a point of interest, I was wondering what you need them for. Then, I could make some modifications to better adjust them to their intended task."  
  
"Of course," nodded Saruman. "I'm going to take over the world with them. What can you do with that?"  
  
Angeline blinked. "Excuse me?"  
  
"I'm-going-to-take-over-the-world-with-them," said Saruman slowly. "What- can-you-do-with-that?"  
  
"Taking over the world, hey?" asked Angeline, frowning. "Well....I guess I can think of SOMETHING. How exactly do you plan to take over the world with a bunch of ladders?"  
  
Saruman's eyes lit up, and a manic light filled them. "I will scale the walls of the fortress of Aragorn, son of Arathorn with them. Then, I will send my armies in to kill them all!" He threw his head back and laughed. "Hahahahaha!"  
  
Angeline looked slightly worried. "Ah...." she nodded. "I see." Turning back to the vast army of orcs, she began to plan.  
  
A/N  
  
Okay, I'm sick of writing 'meanwhile' and 'back in the fellowship', so I'm just gonna write 'M' for an extract from Michelle's adventures, 'F' for the Fellowship and 'A' for Angeline.  
  
E/A/N  
  
F  
  
"Oh, shut UP Rachel," groaned Victoria. "I'm trying to think."  
  
"The world holds its breath in anticipation," drawled Rachel.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"Yessir. Or ma'am. Or-"  
  
"LOOK OUT!" cried Aragorn as the bushes parted once more to reveal....  
  
"ORCS!" gasped Legolas.  
  
"Uh NUH!" gasped Rachel sarcastically. "Y'don't SAY! REALLY?"  
  
The piercing sounds of swords being pulled out of sheaths rang in the air, and every non-fighter winced and bent over to cover their ears.  
  
"It's been a while since they last fought, hasn't it?" asked Victoria dryly.  
  
"What gave it away?" sighed Frodo, surrounded by the rest of the Fellowship.  
  
Stephanie stared around at the circle of men, viciously battling the orcs. "Wow," she said. "Cool, man."  
  
"Steph!" gasped Victoria, shocked at this display of approval of violence from her mild-mannered friend.  
  
Steph grinned sheepishly and shrugged.  
  
"Watch out, Legolas!" shrieked Christina, catching sight of the orc's battleaxe descending on the elf's head....  
  
A/N  
  
Shit. I've just realised. Christina DOESN'T LIKE Orlando Bloom. Kinda weird, seeing that she's so obsessed with that loser, Daniel Radcliffe, but yeah. FREAKY. Soz.  
  
E/A/N  
  
Turning to Rachel and the others, Christina asked, "Why are they doing that?"  
  
"Doing what?" sighed Victoria resignedly. Over the past two years, she had come to understand that Christina asked the strangest questions.  
  
"Doing THAT," Christina pointed at the fighting men. "They're fighting. They're working up a sweat."  
  
"Because," said Victoria patiently, "Unless they want to die, they have to fight for their lives. Understand?"  
  
"REALLY?" gasped Rachel. "Gee, thanks for that, Vicky. Cuz like, I was kinda wondering if it was just cuz they had insomnia or something. Wow. I'll treasure that tidbit of information for the rest of my life."  
  
Victoria threw the other girl a dirty look. She hadn't taken a bath in quite a couple of weeks, see, and even her looks were getting a bit unhygienic. But anyway. "The rest of your life will be a COUPLE OF SECONDS if you keep up the sarcasm. I was enlightening Christina here."  
  
"You threatenin' me?" asked Rachel, lifting a brow.  
  
Victoria sighed and rolled her eyes.  
  
"I'm hungry," said Christina.  
  
"So am I," agreed Merry and Pippin in a chorus.  
  
"I'm feeling a bit peckish myself," admitted Sam. "How about you, Mister Frodo?"  
  
Frodo blanched and shook his head. "Not really, Sam." He sighed and felt the weight of the Ring on his chest grow heavier on his heart as well as his neck. Its Master was calling to it again, and it was answering. It wouldn't be long till Frodo would be forced to answer in his own way.  
  
*  
  
Sniff. How poetic. Take THAT, Shakespere. 


	7. Lost for Words

~ Chapter 7 ~  
  
Hey, look! Another chapter! WOW! Ain't that amazing?  
  
*  
  
"Are you alright, Mister Frodo?" asked Sam, sounding concerned. He eyed the fighters and gave Frodo and encouraging grin. "We're winnin', Mister Frodo. You're gonna make it. I know it."  
  
Rachel was sitting cross-legged, rocking back and forth and muttering something under her breath. Her eyes were blank and she was smiling slightly.  
  
Merry shot her a worried look. "What's her problem?" he asked Victoria.  
  
"It's a mental one," quipped Victoria.  
  
"And it goes by the name of 'Victoria'." Rachel stopped muttering for a moment to smirk at the spluttering younger girl. "Gotcha."  
  
Victoria rolled her eyes again. However, her spoken reply was drowned out by the sound of Gimli hacking the head off the shoulders of an orc. Legolas coolly shot an arrow into the back of the remaining orc and Aragorn neatly slid his sword through the body of a dying orc. Boromir uttered a war cry and stabbed another orc as Rachel read the other girl's lips and made a nasty reply of her own.  
  
"Do you MIND?" she turned around and glared at the panting victors. "We're trying to TALK, here."  
  
Stephanie hid a grin.  
  
M  
  
"What's that sound?" asked Katie, hearing a bloodcurdling yell.  
  
Michelle perked up. "Sounds like people being assassinated. Cool!" She whacked the horse on the rump and charged into the little clearing. Then her face fell. "Oh," she said dully. "It's YOU."  
  
Aragorn wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead and stood, breathing hard. "What?"  
  
"Cool!" Katie stared at the Fellowship. "Look, Squishy! It's the Fellowship of the Rings! Is THAT the story that we've fallen into?"  
  
"No," drawled a familiar voice. "You've fallen into 'Alice in Wonderland'. That man over there who looks like Viggo Mortesson is actually the Mad Hatter."  
  
"MAD HATTER?" echoed Aragorn, looking puzzled. "Pray tell, what be this....unusual creature?"  
  
Rachel moaned and buried her face in her hands. "Deprived people!" she wailed. "Even the comforting sound of sarcasm is a literal puzzle to these unfortunate creatures!"  
  
Stephanie blinked. "Did anyone catch that?" she asked, smiling as she looked around.  
  
Victoria shrugged. "A show of hands. Anyone who heard and understood that unusual utterance made by Rachel, raise your hand."  
  
Not a soul moved.  
  
"Okay, anyone who didn't understand Rachel's disturbed caterwauling, show yourselves."  
  
Every hand went up, excluding Rachel's and Christina's.  
  
Rachel smiled at her one seeming-supporter. "Thanks, Chrissy," she said.  
  
"Huh?" said Christina.  
  
"I asked if you understood what Rachel said," explained Victoria. "If not, then raise your hand."  
  
"Oh." Christina laughed. "No, not really." She raised her hand.  
  
Rachel glared. "Traitors."  
  
Victoria smiled sweetly at her. "Thanks."  
  
A  
  
Angeline couldn't help but sigh as she looked down at the sea of orcs below. What this Saruman guy was doing was ambitious, and that was good. It meant that he had goals of his own, tastes of his own, and a mind of his own. However, she didn't think that taking over the world was the way to go about it. Something known as 'ethics' told her that it wasn't nice to take over the world.  
  
"No!" she shouted, pointing at an orc. "Stop! You're standing on the-"  
  
A sickening squelch finished her sentence for her as the rope that the orc had been standing on tightened, flying into the air as the great ladder was raised into the air and gently placed against the side of a wall. The orc was sliced in two by the weight of the ladder against the rope, and Angeline screamed.  
  
"Ew, GROSS!" she exclaimed. "Rachel! Don't write that! You're SICK!"  
  
But it was too late. Rachel had already typed the paragraph and it would stay that way no matter what Angeline said. Or screamed.  
  
"Mister Saruman!" she cried, rushing to the tower that the wizard was sitting in. "One of your orcs! I couldn't stop him in time! He just- I mean- well, he's- dead."  
  
"Yes," nodded Saruman calmly. "I heard."  
  
"I'm so sorry!" gasped Angeline. "It was an accident-"  
  
"I know," shrugged Saruman. "How's the construction of my ladders going? Oh yes, and did the idea of gan-pow-dar work?"  
  
Angeline gaped at him, lost for words. He didn't CARE that an orc had just died. Then again, he hadn't seen. Perhaps he hadn't heard her right. "He's DEAD," she repeated slowly.  
  
"I KNOW," Saruman looked slightly exasperated. "Listen, girl. I've got plenty of workers. It doesn't matter if you kill a couple by 'accident' as you say. How are the ladders?"  
  
"They're-fine," stammered Angeline, unable to believe that this was happening. "And the gunpowder's going great. It will all be ready in a couple of days. I just have to make sure of a- couple of calculations."  
  
"Excellent," beamed Saruman. He looked around quickly then leaned forward. "Listen, girl," he said softly. "I'm very, VERY happy with the improvements that you've made to my little empire here." He chuckled. "As you know, I am Saruman the White. However, I am also the right hand of Sauron, and all this is done for him. He will be EXTREMELY pleased with you, I'm sure. Now then. Do you see what I'm getting at?"  
  
Angeline nodded dumbly.  
  
FINALLY. Angeline, LOST FOR WORDS. If only we'd been there.  
  
A/N  
  
I can insult Angeline all I like, see, cuz she don't go to our school no more. (. Sigh. At last, I am free to express myself. Again.  
  
E/A/N  
  
"Good." Saruman rubbed his hands together. "After this, I could probably find you a place at the LEFT side of Sauron." Then he frowned. "Actually, no. Sorry, I can't do that. He's a bit deaf on his left ear. He can't hear too well through it so he wouldn't hear any of your suggestions. How about two seats to the right of Sauron?"  
  
Angeline shrugged. "Okay."  
  
Saruman smiled.  
  
*  
  
U-571's a cool movie. Old, but cool. Check it out. 


	8. Angeline Yaks on

~ Chapter 8 ~  
  
I got IN! AT SCHOOL! I GOT ON THE BLOODY FANFICTION.NET SITE AT SCHOOL!  
  
....  
  
Go me.  
  
*  
  
Gandalf stormed off angrily, dragging the rest of the Fellowship with him.  
  
"Hey!" cried Victoria. "Wait up!"  
  
She ran after the Fellowship, determined not to be left behind. "Listen, Gandalf!" she said, grabbing onto the wizard's wrist and forcing him to turn around. "We CAN'T go back. I don't know how we got here, or why, but whatever the reason was, we're stuck here until we CAN get back to where we came from. Till then though, we're in just as difficult a position as all of you here. Or rather, a WORSE position, because we're not fighters or  
  
A/N  
  
Christina Aguilera. 'Fighter'.  
  
E/A/N  
  
gifted in anything that's gonna keep us alive for at least an hour in this world." Victoria threw him her saddest look. "I'm sorry if they offended you, Gandalf, but PLEASE let us stay with you. At least until we can find somewhere else we can stay. Then you'll never hear of us again, I promise. Just- please?"  
  
A half-hour later, they were jogging along with the Fellowship, on the condition that Rachel had her mouth gagged tightly.  
  
"Mmf!" shouted Rachel angrily.  
  
"Yes, yes. I know," nodded Pippin. "It's annoying, isn't it?"  
  
Rachel shot him a look that would have frozen a volcano. "Mf mm."  
  
"Now, now," said Merry. "Be nice."  
  
He was still chuckling to himself when he fell flat on his face in a thistle bush.  
  
Rachel smiled evilly and withdrew her foot.  
  
A  
  
Angeline sat at her new desk, wringing her hands nervously. The production of the gunpowder was far riskier than she had anticipated. It wasn't that her plans weren't accurate enough- a few modifications and it would be perfect. No, the problem was that the creatures she worked with were simply too....too....well....stupid. The simply fact was that the orcs WERE STUPID. They were slow to react, lacked total common sense and intelligence of any sort and to top it all off, they were LAZY. At least that stopped her from missing her friends, though.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Saruman peered in over the door.  
  
Angeline sighed. "No, it's fine." She tried a smile. "Nothing I can't take care of."  
  
Saruman smiled and nodded. "How is the gon-pow-dar going?"  
  
The girl blinked. "Pardon?"  
  
"How is the gon-pow-dar going?" repeated Saruman.  
  
"Oh. Gunpowder?" Angeline asked. "It's going alright, but....well...." Her voice trailed off.  
  
"What?" demanded Saruman, his smile snapping off like a light.  
  
"It will take longer than I had anticipated." Angeline got up and began to pace. "Listen, I had this whole idea about how we would-"  
  
"How much longer?" Saruman looked dangerous.  
  
However, Angeline was not one to back down. "A few months or so," she shrugged.  
  
"MONTHS?" boomed Saruman. "MONTHS?!"  
  
"Yup," nodded Angeline. "You see-"  
  
"No, I DON'T see!" roared the wizard. "You told me DAYS! Now you say MONTHS?!"  
  
Angeline looked vexed. "Look," she said, a steely tone in her voice. "I'm going to have to make a few changes, alright? It's going to take MONTHS. Not DAYS. I might have said DAYS earlier, but that's changed to MONTHS."  
  
Saruman the White scowled and considered her words. His troops would need to begin marching in a year or so. He had hoped to become better accustomed to the use of 'gunpowder' before marching. However, it shouldn't affect his plans too much. "Oh, very well then," he sighed. "Have you any need of other materials?"  
  
"Ah, yes," nodded Angeline. And she proceeded to list a number of chemicals that no one could understand.  
  
It was a wonder that her ideas worked at all.  
  
*  
  
I'm sorry. These chapters are just getting shorter and shorter, aren't they? But I NEED to finish my homework and this stupid crappy speech that I have give on Tuesday. To all those innocents out there.... debating is EVIL. Don't do it. 


	9. Gunpowder

~ Chapter 9 ~  
  
I NEED to see X2. Not 'want'. NEED.  
  
*  
  
F  
  
"We shall camp here for the night," decided Aragorn, putting his pack down on a rock.  
  
"Uh NGU!" gasped Rachel, talking around the gag. "I hock e oz gonga cank ho ga gay!"  
  
"What did she say?" asked Aragorn.  
  
Victoria rolled her eyes. "You don't want to know," she replied.  
  
"Sounded like something about a gay and a-" began Stephanie, but Victoria shook her head.  
  
"Don't, Steph," she said. "Some things are better left unsaid."  
  
"Perhaps we should remove her gag," suggested Michelle. "I can't understand a single fucking thing she's saying and you're all being stupid, boring assholes."  
  
"Hea hea!" cheered Rachel.  
  
Gandalf frowned. "Oh....very well then," he sighed.  
  
The gag was removed and the sarcasm replaced it.  
  
"Why, THANK you, oh great wizard of oz!" exclaimed Rachel. "Thou art ever so kind to remove thy gag from-"  
  
"What the hell is it with the old speech?" sighed Victoria.  
  
"Archaic," corrected Rachel. "And I'm trying to breech a time barrier here. See, sarcasm seems to be pretty recent to these unfortunate souls, so I figured that if I used archaic speech instead, they might geddit. Because you can't speak....this is an example, yeah? Y'can't tell French jokes to a German guy because it's not in their language. And though the material of the speech is unable to be comprehended by the German mind, it WILL be assisted by the use of the listener's mothertongue for the transfer of the material. So although these losers don't know what the fuck I'm saying through sarcasm, well- they're old, yeah? So-"  
  
"Rachel?" asked Katie.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"You sound like a fucking double of Angeline, only you use slang," said Michelle. "You're boring too. Put the gag back on."  
  
Rachel fixed the approaching hobbit with an evil look. "Don't you DARE," she snarled.  
  
Whimpering, Pippin backed away.  
  
A/N  
  
Stupid hobbitses. I doesn't like 'em  
  
E/A/N  
  
"What's for dinner?" asked Merry, eyeing Aragorn's pack. "I'm hungry."  
  
"Rabbit," replied Aragorn.  
  
Suddenly, Stephanie's eyes grew wide and her lower lip trembled. "Rabbit?" she asked in a trembling voice. "As in- the ANIMAL, rabbit?"  
  
"No, Steph," said Rachel. "The car. We're eating trucks for dinner."  
  
"Mmm....cars," said Michelle, rubbing her stomach.  
  
Christina giggled. "You're pathetic," she said.  
  
"You see, Stephanie is a vegetarian," explained Victoria. "She can't eat meat."  
  
"Why?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Because it's against my religion," said Stephanie.  
  
"Religion?"  
  
"A spiritual belief," Rachel rolled her eyes.  
  
"Do YOU have a religion?" asked Legolas, interested now. "Why is it against her religion? Were we not meant to eat meat?"  
  
"I'm Buddhist," said Steph. "I'm not allowed to eat meat."  
  
"Well then," said Legolas. "In that case, what CAN you eat?"  
  
"Cars," said Rachel.  
  
"Vegetables," corrected Steph.  
  
"What is a car?" questioned Aragorn as his friend, Legolas dug through his pack for some potatoes.  
  
"Something that goes 'broom broom' and runs over people!" shrieked Michelle, clapping her hands in delight. "HAHA! IT KILLS PEOPLE! AHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Aragorn looked troubled. "And you EAT these?" he asked.  
  
Rachel fell over, laughing.  
  
A  
  
"NO!" screamed Angeline, pointing at an orc. "MOVE! NOW!" She had developed a bellow over the past couple of months, partly due to necessity, and partly due to her extreme frustration with the idiotic orcs.  
  
Startled, the orc leapt aside as the sack of amateur gunpowder blew up.  
  
"You IDIOT!" Angeline fumed. Another sack of potential gunpowder ruined. At this rate, she would take a good few YEARS and she still wouldn't have a bag of gunpowder HALF as good as the type used by school CADETS. "Clear out!"  
  
"Excuse me," said a male voice behind her. "I was wondering if you could give me the location of this place."  
  
Angeline froze. It was a voice she had often heard in her dreams but never before in real life.  
  
*  
  
AJ! JK! LOL! I kill me. 


	10. Rabbit Run

~ Chapter 10 ~  
  
Hey look! I've reached a two digit number!  
  
Anyway, as I was saying at the end of the other chapter, AJ's just this guy that Angeline HAD a crush on. At least, that's why my sources tell me. You are under no obligation at all to keep a straight face.  
  
But now, she's found a new victim. Gino. The 'perfect guy'.  
  
*  
  
A  
  
"Who are you?" she demanded, turning around and fixing the newcomer with a cold eye.  
  
"Numair Salmalin at your service, my Lady," said the mage, bowing. "I have tried so hard to reach this place, but never before in my wildest imaginations-" He stood up and looked around, eyes bright. "I've done it!" he said in a low voice. "I've breached the barriers of time and place!"  
  
Angeline blinked. "Excuse me?"  
  
"I have tried so hard all these months, and-" He stared down at the orcs. "I've DONE IT!"  
  
"Done WHAT?" demanded Angeline testily. She reached inside her robes and pulled out her wand. It was a wonder it still worked.  
  
"I am no longer in Tortall, am I?" asked Numair. "Excellent! I must tell my beloved Daine that I have discovered a gap in Place!" And with that, he vanished in a puff of smoke.  
  
Angeline blinked, shrugged, and went back to work.  
  
F  
  
"What's for dinner?" asked Pippin again. It was a classic line before the sun set.  
  
"Rabbit."  
  
"Don't worry, Steph," said Legolas. "You can have potatoes."  
  
Steph smiled and turned slightly green. It was the sixty-eighth time she had eaten potatoes for dinner. "Thanks."  
  
"Unless you'd rather have mushrooms?" asked the elf. "Carrots?"  
  
Stephanie turned bright green. "No thanks."  
  
"Ew," said Christina. "Vegetables. Poor Steph. You can have the potatoes in my stew."  
  
Stephanie moaned softly.  
  
"Rabbit?" said Victoria. "AGAIN?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm getting sick of rabbit," agreed Katie.  
  
Stephanie fixed them both with a dark look.  
  
"Something the matter, Steph?" asked Rachel, grinning wickedly.  
  
The girl scowled.  
  
Rachel smirked and sat down. "Rabbit Run," she said, suddenly.  
  
"What?" Aragorn turned around. "What is that?"  
  
Gandalf waited for the usual 'deprived peoples!' but it didn't come. Instead, Rachel replied, "It's a song."  
  
"A song?" asked Legolas, perking up. "Excellent! Let's have a song then! Sing for us!"  
  
"RACHEL?" sniggered Michelle. "SING?"  
  
"Oh fuck off, Squishy," snapped Rachel. "Anyway, it's a rap."  
  
"Rap?" Legolas looked puzzled. "What is a rap? Did you not say earlier that it was a song?"  
  
"Yeah, well it's like a cross between rhymin' with a tune in the background to set the beat," shrugged Rachel. "It's by Eminem."  
  
"I do not understand," said the Elf. "Would you care to demonstrate?"  
  
Rachel looked as if she might refuse, but then a wicked glint entered her eye and she smiled secretively. "Yeah, sure.  
  
~ Somedays I just wanna up and quits ~  
  
~ I feel like I'm surrounded by a wall of bricks ~  
  
~ Everytime I go to get up I just fall in pits ~  
  
~ My life's like one big ball of shit ~"  
  
Legolas looked quite alarmed.  
  
"There's more," grinned Rachel. "Ya wanna hear, Elf Boy?"  
  
"Perhaps.... perhaps another day?" asked Legolas, blanching.  
  
Rachel shrugged. "Okay then."  
  
They ate their dinner in silence.  
  
That night, though, they dreamed.  
  
*  
  
Yay! I got Meteora! And I didn't even spend a cent. 


	11. The Prophesy

~ Chapter 11 ~  
  
NO, I did NOT steal 'Meteora' from a store.  
  
....  
  
I just.... 'borrowed' it, shall we say? From someone.  
  
LOL. Nah, my brother's friend burned it for me.  
  
*  
  
They were standing in a valley of mists, darkness, and mountains.  
  
"Wah....?" Christina yawned and rubbed her eyes. "What's happening?"  
  
Rachel arched a brow. "Well...." she began slowly. "You might just be dreaming, and anytime soon, you will wake up and find yourself sleep-eating again."  
  
Everyone rolled their eyes.  
  
"OR," continued Rachel, "we might be in some kind of sleep sequence, that the Fairy Queen Galadriel has created for us in order to explain the past, present, and future to our poor little Frodo, because she has Seen that we are not going to the Forest of Friggin Fairies anymore, because we will soon be waylaid by a tribe of huge, murderous orcs. We will then be given the choice of what we shall do. Shall pride and courage carry our feet to the path of inevitable death? Or will we escape the clutches of Sauron, by going into hiding?"  
  
Legolas blinked. "Is she in a trance?" he asked. "I did not know that your friend was clairvoyant."  
  
"She's not to both," shrugged Vicky. "First off, she can't be in a trance, because people in trances don't use swear words or sarcasm. And secondly, she's not clairvoyant. She just guesses." Victoria shrugged. "Do you understand?"  
  
"But- but-" spluttered Legolas. "'Twas ever so poetic when she spake the words of prophesy or - as you say, guess."  
  
"He don't understand," shrugged Rachel. "Well, it was half knowledge and half me." Her eyes fogged over and she gazed dreamily into the distance. "This....voice slipped into my mind, and....well....it told me to say....say...." Her eyes rolled up in her head and they shut.  
  
....  
  
Frodo sat up bolt upright, sweating. His hand flew to the ring around his neck and he looked around madly.  
  
Beside him, Sam muttered in his sleep. "Potatoes....mm....chips...."  
  
Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, Borimor and the girls were asleep too, as was Merry and Pippin. But where was Gandalf?  
  
Frodo slowly slipped out of his sleeping bag and got up, his huge hobbit feet crushing the grass beneath them. Dew trickled from a leaf and landed on his head. "Gandalf?" he whispered.  
  
There was no reply.  
  
"Gandalf?" repeated Frodo, beginning to feel nervous. The dream he had just had was still imprinted in his mind, and it had created a feeling of complete loneliness and desolation. A feeling of dread and terror crept up on him, and he ran around to the other side, where Gandalf had lain down to sleep. But there was nothing there.  
  
Far off in the distance, a wolf howled. A horn sounded. The hunt had begun.  
  
~  
  
"Aragorn," hissed Frodo, shaking his friend's shoulder. "Wake up. Gandalf's gone."  
  
The Ranger groaned and stirred. "Wha-?" He turned to look at Frodo. "What is it? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Gandalf's gone," whispered Frodo, his eyes wide. "And I've just had a dream. I think that orcs are coming. The prophesy has gone wrong. We're gone!"  
  
"WHAT?" Aragorn quickly crawled out of his sleeping bag. "What do you mean?"  
  
Several minutes later, Frodo had explained all.  
  
"We must hurry," gasped Aragorn. "I had a similar dream! I believe it is a true one. Galadriel is trying to warn us!"  
  
Legolas, who had joined them, sighed and leaned forward. "But that does not answer where Gandalf is," he sighed. "He would not leave without telling us, surely?"  
  
"He would and he has," replied Aragorn, bitterly. "We have not choice but to continue with our quest.  
  
"But- what did the dream mean?" asked Frodo. "I still do not understand. Is the Rachel a prophet? Why did Galadriel choose HER to be the one to explain? Meaning no offence, but she is hardly one we would trust."  
  
"Well, maybe that was something in itself," said Aragorn. "We must trust those we would not trust, and question the motives of those we believe to be loyal. If the Rachel spoke true, then we have no time to waste. We should have reached the Forest a day ago, but we were slowed down by....by...." He frowned and looked around. "Boromir."  
  
A  
  
"Hurry!" Saruman snapped at the girl. "We have no time to waste! We must attack NOW! The Master has ordered a full force attack on Fort-"  
  
"I KNOW!" snarled Angeline. "I'm working as hard as I can, can't you see? I've already perfected your ladders- you should be able to scale the walls with no problem. I improved your system of sharpening and creating weapons, and I'm ALMOST there with the trebuchets, but I NEED MORE TIME!"  
  
"I don't HAVE more time!" bellowed Saruman. "I need it NOW!"  
  
"You don't NEED them!" screamed Angeline, her face red. "You can't even PRONOUNCE it! You don't know what it IS! I'VE BEEN HELPING YOU, BUILDING YOUR WEAPONS AND LADDERS, AND NOW YOU'RE SCREAMING ABUSE AT ME! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID MASTER! I'M JUST DOING THIS TO HELP YOU, SO DON'T YOU DARE SCREAM AT ME!"  
  
"I'LL DO WHATEVER I WANT!" retorted Saruman. He lowered his voice. "If I do not have my trebuchets by the end of this week...." He traced his finger across his throat.  
  
"Don't you threaten me!" shrieked Angeline after his retreating back.  
  
The door shut and locked behind him.  
  
For a long time, Angeline sat, staring at the door, panting. Finally, she whirled around and slammed her fist into the table. "DAMMIT!"  
  
*  
  
I'm writing this in English. I'm meant to be writing a report about 'Soldier Boy', but I can't be bothered. Please review. PLEASE? 


	12. Bad2Goodworse

~ Chapter 12 ~  
  
Wow. My classroom's pretty empty....  
  
The possibilities.  
  
*  
  
F  
  
"Hurry!" whispered Aragorn, pulling Gimli to his feet. "I'll carry the supplies and the two hobbits. Put the girls on the horse. We have to go. Now."  
  
"What's happening?" asked Gimli, looking around. His eye rested on Boromir, who was still sleeping peacefully. "What about Boromir?"  
  
"He's staying," replied Aragorn, with a tone of finality in his voice that said there would be no argument til later.  
  
Gimli understood. Packing his things, he was ready in a minute.  
  
Victoria frowned and stared at the place where Gandalf had been the night before. "I still don't get it," she said. "Where'd he go?"  
  
"I don't know," said Aragorn irritably. "Tell, me, did you dream last night?"  
  
"What?" Victoria stared. "What the hell?"  
  
Stephanie nodded. "Yes."  
  
"Well, DUH I friggin hell did!" snapped Michelle.  
  
"Michelle!" scolded Victoria. "Language!"  
  
The other girl stuck her tongue out at her. "F off, Vicky."  
  
"Yeah, you 'B'," sneered Rachel. "Ooh....watch her language."  
  
"Don't be so....so...." Victoria searched for a word. "You."  
  
Rachel smiled wryly. "Thanks."  
  
Christina looked blank. "Huh?"  
  
"Well at least SOME things haven't changed," shrugged Rachel.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I rest my case."  
  
Michelle snorted.  
  
Suddenly, Christina burst out laughing. "OH! I GET IT! THAT'S SO STOOPID! HAHAHAHA!"  
  
Victoria sighed. "Wait for it...."  
  
Christina blinked again as the Fellowship held its breath. "Hey! That's mean! You're all meanie poos!"  
  
Victoria nodded. "Let's go."  
  
"Allons-y," said Rachel.  
  
"Shut up," replied Pippin. He giggled, but before he could say it again, Rachel had bent over, as if interested in the large rock on the ground.  
  
"Look," she said, pointing to it. "A rock."  
  
"Huh?" Pippin leaned closer to get a better look, but as he did so, Rachel grabbed him by his collar, picking the rock up in her other hand. Prising his jaws open with her fingers, she shoved the rock in.  
  
"Ha!" Rachel stood up and clapped her hands in delight. "Suffer, hobbit!"  
  
"HEY!" Aragorn rushed to the hobbit's rescue. "Why'd you do that?"  
  
The tall girl shrugged. "He was annoying me."  
  
"SO?" snapped Victoria. "YOU annoy US. WE don't go round shoving rocks into YOUR mouth."  
  
Opening her mouth to say something nasty, the girl suddenly twitched, as if she had been hit by something invisible, square in the chest. Then she blinked, looking mortified. "Oh my goodness!" she gasped, her eyes bright and turning quite red. "You're RIGHT! I AM horrible! I AM annoying! I'm so sorry!" She buried her face in her hands, sobbing hysterically. "Will you ever forgive me?"  
  
*  
  
What da HELL?! What's HAPPENING to me?!  
  
Has the tart, caustic, cynical Queen of Sarcasm truly....CHANGED for the BETTER?!  
  
Is this dreadful change from bad to good going to last any longer than this paragraph?!  
  
To find out, review and read on. 


	13. Wacky Stephy

~ Chapter 13 ~  
  
Okay, one of my friends Sindy's decided to write a story of her own. Her name's Sim Dim, she's writing X-Men, and....she's put us in it. Check it out. *  
  
F  
  
"RACHEL?!" Katie's eyes bulged. Suddenly, she very closely resembled a long- haired, blonde frog.  
  
"I didn't mean it! I swear!" Rachel froze and gasped again. "No! Musn't say that! Must not swear!"  
  
Michelle gaped. "FREAK!"  
  
Victoria scowled. "No need to be sarcastic," she snarled.  
  
Christina began to giggle. "Rachel's gone funny."  
  
Stephanie beamed. "Welcome to the Light!" she exclaimed joyfully.  
  
The Fellowship could only stare.  
  
"I feel AWFUL!" continued Rachel. "I AM-" She stopped. "What da freakin hell? Forget all that shit. I'm fine now."  
  
The Fellowship resumed their normal walking pace.  
  
Stephanie sighed.  
  
Christina was still chuckling to herself.  
  
Victoria rolled her eyes and sneezed five times.  
  
Michelle nodded approval.  
  
Katie's eyes shrank back into her head.  
  
It was not long before it happened again, though. Only this time, it was the person we would least suspect.  
  
"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID FRIGGIN ELF!" shrieked Michelle. Legolas was singing again and the happiness on his melody was giving her a headache.  
  
A/N  
  
Michelle don't luv Legolas no more. No one does. We like X2 now. lol  
  
E/A/N  
  
Legolas stopped and gave her a hurt look.  
  
"I quite liked that," protested Steph.  
  
"Do we care?" demanded Rachel. "NO. Shuddup. You ain't entitled to your own opinions, Steph."  
  
"Aw...." Steph looked down at her feet. And gagged as the dreadful fumes of unwashed feet reached her nose. "I wanna shower."  
  
"I want you to have shower too," admitted Rachel. "You stink. And was that an opinion?"  
  
Stephanie sighed.  
  
"You're so mean, Rachel," scolded Victoria.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Did you just tell me to shut up?" screeched the younger girl. She looked livid.  
  
"No, I told you to sit down and have a martini," sneered Rachel caustically.  
  
Steph winced and flinched. Suddenly, a glazed look came over her eyes, but as quickly as it was there, it vanished. "HAHAHAHA!" she threw her head back and laughed nastily. "Honestly! What did you THINK she said, stupid? Oh, WHOOPS! SORRY! I forgot! You DON'T think!"  
  
Victoria's eyes grew wide and she gasped, looking taken aback. "Steph?"  
  
"S-s-s-STEPH?" mimicked the girl. "Get a LIFE, you loser."  
  
Every other person (or hobbit) .... (or elf) .... (or dwarf) but Victoria, Rachel, and Stephanie now very closely resembled a new breed of large, human-sized frogs.  
  
"Very good," praised Rachel. "Nicely done."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" giggled Michelle, snapping out of her trance. "EVIL! YES! EVILL!!!" She clapped her hands and began to chant, "E-VIL-STEPH! E-VIL- STEPH! KILL THEM, KILL THEM, KILL THEM ALL!"  
  
A/N  
  
Poetry has never been one of Michelle's strong points.  
  
E/A/N  
  
Steph laughed again. It was not a pleasant sound.  
  
Christina began to look quite frightened. "Stephanie?" she asked. "Snap out of it."  
  
"Snap out of WHAT, you stupid brunette bimbo?" jeered Steph. She turned to face Michelle. "Shut up, you little idiot. You're embarrassing me. And you too, Rachel. I'm sick of your stupid, nasty comments."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
You could have heard a fly burp.  
  
[a fly burps in the background- the sound echoes through the forest]  
  
"Did she just tell me to shut up?" asked Rachel, a brow raised.  
  
Michelle cracked her knuckles loudly.  
  
*  
  
Wow. Looks like troglodytes have finally discovered fire as 'yawn' so kindly revealed through their flame. 


	14. Chap14

~ Chapter 14 ~  
  
I hate writing essays. They make me feel bad. (  
  
*  
  
F  
  
"Excuse me?" Rachel crossed her arms. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"  
  
Michelle didn't waste time on speaking. Instead, she flew at the older girl and was yanked back by her collar just in time.  
  
"What the freaking hell?!" shrieked Michelle as she was lifted a good three feet above the ground.  
  
"Now, now, Michelle," said Boromir. "Calm down. I'm sure Stephanie's only joking."  
  
"Joking about what?" asked Stephanie, the nasty look on her face gone, replaced by a wide eyed look of innocence. Once again, she was normal and disgustingly....happy.  
  
"NOOOO!" wailed Michelle, thrashing wildly in midair. She punched the air with her fists, kicking an invisible foe. "TURN EVIL, STEPHIE! JOIN THE DARK SIDE! I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO FREAKING KILL YOU! DON'T BE HAPPY! ANYTHING BUT HAPPY! NOO!"  
  
Stephanie blinked. "Pardon?"  
  
Rachel sighed. "Well at least we know that she DOES have a darker side to her now," she pointed out dejectedly.  
  
"Darker side?" gasped Stephanie, once again changing expressions. She looked horror-struck as she contemplated on having any personality other than her happy one. "Oh no! What happened?"  
  
Katie was chewing her lip, smiling thoughtfully. "Y'know, guys," she said. "This would almost seem FUNNY if you looked at it a certain way. When Steph's normal, she sounds like Rachel when she's-" she paused. "Even MORE abnormal-"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"But when RACHEL'S....less abnormal-"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"She sounds like Steph when SHE'S normal," finished Katie.  
  
"That kinda humour is known as IRONY, stupid!" spat Rachel, looking vicious. Ah well. At least they knew she was in her normal state of mind.  
  
"I didn't know that Rachel could be any more abnormal," said Victoria thoughtfully. "What an interesting notion. Turn nice again, Rachel. I want to test Katie's theory."  
  
"Yeah? Well you know what I want to test?" snarled Rachel. "How many lives you'll have left after I kill you!"  
  
"Oh well," shrugged Victoria with a sigh. "It was worth a shot."  
  
"Well YOU aren't worth ANYTHING!" Rachel flopped down on the ground, sitting cross-legged and scowling.  
  
"Poor Rachel," giggled Christina. "Everyone's picking on her."  
  
"Aw FUCK OFF, Chrissy-tina!" exploded Rachel. She grabbed a rock off the ground  
  
A/N  
  
Very handy things, rocks. You can shove 'em in peoples' (or hobbits') mouths to make them shut up, you can bash peoples' head open with them or you can simply hurl them at people. Be one with the rocks, people.  
  
E/A/N  
  
and threw it at Christina with all her might.  
  
Christina squealed and ducked, shying away. The rock sailed over her and would have continued to fly a couple of metres had not there been an orc crouching behind Christina. As Christina ducked, the orc got up, raising his dagger and preparing to plunge it down on the quivering girl. Instead, the rock landed full in its face, ending its life with a definite *crunch*.  
  
"Ew...." Rachel made a face as she stared at the orc. However, the others didn't waste any time in reacting to the death of the first orc.  
  
"AMBUSH!" bellowed Aragorn.  
  
"Gee....thanks, Einstein," murmured Rachel. "We'd be lost without you. Really, we would."  
  
"Could you give the sarcasm a rest for just ONE MINUTE?" pleaded Victoria.  
  
"Umm...." Rachel considered it. "Nope."  
  
Boromir dropped Michelle on an orc's head and drew his own sword. "FIGHT, MEN!"  
  
"Ya see?" Rachel gestured towards him. "What kinda instructions are those?"  
  
"HAHA! DIE!" cackled Michelle, kicking an orc's head. "YAY! FIGHT KILL FIGHT!" Her eyes were filled with manic joy as she threw her head back, laughing evilly. "DIE, ORCIES!" Seizing a sword from a dead orc, she stabbed everything within range. "HEE HEE! FUN!"  
  
Victoria watched the unfolding horror before her. "She's absolutely MAD," she gasped, referring to Michelle.  
  
Rachel nodded. "Yeah. Squisho gone bad." Taking a deep breath, she pulled out her wand and began screaming as many curses as she knew at their attackers. Green beams shot everywhere in a tangle of emerald light. Everything the beams touched withered.  
  
"Gee....that looks kinda fun," remarked Katie. "Me too!" She too hurled herself into the melee, using every trick she had learned in gym.  
  
Christina was screaming at the top of her lungs. The Fellowship and her friends were used to the dreadful noise, and thus, it did not affect them. The orcs, however, were new to this caterwauling that poured from Christina's mouth and struggled to cover their ears, bellowing in pain.  
  
Sighing, Victoria looked at Steph. "Well?" she asked. "I guess that leaves us, then."  
  
Nodding wearily, the vegetarian pulled out her own wand, adding ruby lasers to Rachel's own display of light. Victoria grinned feebly and put her tae- kwon-doe lessons into use.  
  
A  
  
"YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!" Angeline screamed at the locked door. "*GINO WILL COME RESCUE ME! YOU WAIT AND SEE, SARUMAN! HE'S IN YEAR ELEVEN AND HE'LL KICK YOUR BUTT!"  
  
A/N  
  
*Gino- Angeline's own 'Mister Perfect'. She's been arguing with Christina over who's the most perfect guy. Christina reckons it's- no, wait for it. David Flynn. A new name.  
  
Quite frankly, I reckon they're both nuts. I've seen Flinnos and I reckon he very much resembles an overgrown hawk. As for 'Gino'....what a name.  
  
E/A/N  
  
When there was no answer, she calculated every law of physics that she had ever been taught and kicked the door in the weakest spot at the strongest angle. It shook, but did not give way. "LET ME OUT!"  
  
Suddenly, the air in the room shimmered and seemed to part, revealing a tall, blonde woman. "Angeline? Do not be afraid. I am an image of Galadriel, the Elf Queen. I am here to warn you of the tragic circumstances that are about to unfold."  
  
If Rachel had been there, she would have replied that the Elf Queen was a little late. However, as it was, Angeline nodded, looking very thoughtful. As usual. "I see. What circumstances exactly?"  
  
"Your friends have joined up with the Fellowship of the Ring. They have been confronted by a troop of orcs and are being outnumbered faster than you can figure out a mathematical equation," explained Galadriel.  
  
A/N  
  
Okay, not something that little miss Fairy Elf might say, but hey. Gimme points for originality.  
  
E/A/N  
  
"Wow," said Angeline. "That's pretty fast."  
  
"Yes," nodded Galadriel sadly. "Their strength is failing and the orcs continue to pour on them. Your friend, Christina's throat is sore. As Stephanie has run out of Soothers, Christina can no longer scream. Victoria is wearying and she needs rest. Tae-kwan-doe cannot stand against the forces of Saruman much longer, and she is only a yellow belt."  
  
"WHAT?" gasped Angeline, outraged. "But she told me that she was a white belt!"  
  
Galadriel cleared her throat. "Ah....yes. Well, you see, Angeline, a white belt is only the first rank of tae-kwan-doe. Yellow belt is the one above that, so obviously, Victoria has advanced to another level in-"  
  
"Without telling me?" demanded Angeline, not appeased at all. "I need to know everything! I love knowledge!"  
  
"Yes, yes," said Galadriel quickly. "Calm down, Angeline. The Fellowship is fighting bravely and your friends are standing by them firmly. However, if they remain any longer, they shall perish. The wizard, Gandalf has left the story for a bathroom break and some tea and biscuits. He is also seeking assistance from the elfs of the wood. He will not return in time to save the Fellowship, though. The Ring Bearer feels the pull of Sauron greater than ever. He must leave."  
  
Angeline frowned. "But what has this got to do with ME? I'm stuck in this room. None of the spells work on these locks or walls and using physics to kick these walls cannot help me against stone which is quite unusual seeing that the femur is supposed to be harder than concrete or cement....something like that."  
  
"Well, Angeline, you see it's like this," sighed Galadriel. "I CAN get you out of this room. After that, you have a two choices. You can either break into Saruman's Planning Rooms to steal his plans and take over to reverse everything that he has done. He has gone to finish the Scotch Fingers before Gandalf can get them, at the same time toying with your friends' personalities so that they have become opposites of their true selves. All this leavs you free to change his decisions here in his tower. OR, you can return to what you know as 'the real world' and find Gino. Your life will return to normality, but your friends will die here in Middle Earth. Now I shall free you from your prison. Choose wisely, Angeline." She raised her hands and blasted aside the door with a burst of power. Just before disappearing, however, she turned and faced Angeline. "Quite frankly, I don't know how you can stand those little pyschos. Goodbye, Angeline."  
  
"Goodbye, Galadriel!" called Angeline as the Elf vanished into shimmering air.  
  
Then she was left alone, with her choices.  
  
*  
  
Lovely long chapter for you all. Happy? I'm meant to be writing my debating speech, but I'm sacrificing the debate against SCEGGS for this story.  
  
Please- I'm begging you- PLEEZ review. 


	15. Decisions, Decisions

~ Chapter 15 ~  
  
*sniff*  
  
Nearing the end....I think.  
  
*  
  
F  
  
"Christina!" shrieked Rachel. "WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU SCREAMING ANY MORE?"  
  
"SCREAM, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" yelled Michelle.  
  
Christina looked hurt as she rubbed her throat. "My throat hurts," she whispered. "Does anyone have a packet of Soothers?"  
  
Steph reached into her pocket, but looked sad as she held up a piece of wrapper. "Sorry, Christina. None left."  
  
"Oh NO!" wailed Katie. She kicked an orc in the shins.  
  
"Fight, you freaking idiots!" Michelle urged them all. "Kill!" She emphasised her point by punching an orc in the nose and stomping on its foot. "DIE, YOU STUPID ORC! DIE!"  
  
Despite their best efforts though, there was no point in denying it anymore. They were losing, and there was nothing they could do to stop it.  
  
A  
  
Angeline made up her mind. "Don't worry, guys!" she shouted suddenly. "I'm coming!" Storming to Saruman's Planning Room, she yanked open the door and grabbed several documents off his desk. Reading them over, she scowled and ripped them up into tiny pieces. Homemade confetti fluttering in the air, Angeline set about, rewriting his many papers, muttering obscenities under her breath.  
  
F  
  
"The Ring Bearer!" bellowed Boromir. "Protect the Ring Bearer!"  
  
"What the fuck do you think we've been doing?" snapped Rachel testily.  
  
"Yourself."  
  
"Well, it doesn't matter who we're fighting for," sighed Victoria. "We're losing."  
  
And it was true. For every orc they killed, five more seemed to appear. Katie noted this and relayed it to her fellow fighters.  
  
"Oh, I've got a good idea," rasped Christina. "Why don't we just stop killing them? Then, more won't appear."  
  
Michelle opened her mouth to reply, but was suddenly overcome by an urge to stop fighting and....and....  
  
What was that word again?  
  
Ah yes. Hug. Michelle was suddenly overcome by an urge to HUG someone. But how did you....'hug' someone? It had been a while.  
  
So while Michelle puzzled over the concept of 'hugging' people, the others continued to fight, struggling to balance explaining to Christina why they couldn't stop whilst at the same time, killing monsters.  
  
"Michelle? What are you doing?" asked Victoria, finally stopping to look at Michelle, who was looking around at people, elfs, dwarfs, hobbits and orcs with the oddest expression on her face. "Why aren't you fighting?" She slapped an orc away.  
  
"Hug...." murmured Michelle. "How do you 'hug' people, Vicky?"  
  
The younger girl stared. "MICHELLE?!"  
  
"Oh yeah!" Michelle threw her sword aside and grabbed the nearest orc in a huge embrace. "You're my BEEEEEST friend!" she giggled in delight.  
  
All around her, the other girls blinked and froze.  
  
"I'm sad," said Katie.  
  
"Aw, shut up," snapped Steph.  
  
Victoria glanced at Legolas and suddenly noticed how the light shone in his blonde hair, giving his whole face a rather celestial look. She sighed dreamily. Just before she was about to approach him though, she caught sight of Aragorn who was looking equally gorgeous in the sun. Frodo didn't look too bad either. "Not bad," she murmured to herself. "Not bad at all."  
  
"Stephanie, why are you so mean to people?" whined Rachel. "Please be nicer."  
  
Christina suddenly launched into a lengthy, detailed description of the earth's atmosphere.  
  
"Golly gosh, Christina!" gasped Michelle as she hugged another orc. "You're really smart!"  
  
The Fellowship gaped at the girls who were now thrown into havoc. Seizing their opportunity, the orcs began to move in on the Fellowship.  
  
"What's happening, Aragorn?" cried Legolas, staring at the girls.  
  
"I don't know," moaned the Ranger.  
  
Gimli dug his axe through the spine of an orc. "Never mind them females!" he shrugged. "Fight for your lives!"  
  
"FIGHT!" screeched Stephanie. "YES! KILL!"  
  
"Y'know, Legolas," said Victoria shyly. "I really like you."  
  
"Happy orcies!" giggled Michelle, enveloping another orc in a massive hug. "I like you all! I'm so happy! Everything is happy!"  
  
Katie sighed. "I'm depressed," she said. "I don't want to do anything."  
  
"So as you can see, the earth's atmosphere is breaking down due to the-" continued Christina.  
  
"Do YOU like ME?" asked Victoria.  
  
Legolas blinked.  
  
"Go ahead," urged Rachel. "Tell her how you really feel. Tell her the truth."  
  
"Be happy!" coaxed Michelle. "D'you want a hug?"  
  
With a dreadful ripping noise, the air split and Saruman stepped out. "Stop!" he ordered the orcs. The beasts stared at him.  
  
"The White Wizard!" gasped Gimli.  
  
"Do not worry yourselves over these pawns," Saruman told the orcs. He smiled nastily at the Fellowship. "I'll take care of them. Return to camp and deal with the intruders. They come in the form of your own species. Do not be fooled, however. Kill them. Kill them ALL."  
  
The orcs bowed respectfully and left, bellowing orders to each other. At last, they were gone, leaving nothing but churned earth where they had been.  
  
"You have made a grave mistake, Saruman," growled Aragorn. "And you shall pay for it."  
  
Legolas nocked an arrow, training it on the heart of Saruman the White. "Goodbye, Saruman," he said.  
  
"No!" cried Saruman, looking frightened. "Please! Wait! You have to trust me!"  
  
Legolas sneered and prepared to release the bolt.  
  
Aragorn, however, paused. "Wait, Legolas," he said. "Remember what Galadriel told us? We must trust him."  
  
Legolas frowned.  
  
Saruman nodded. "Yeah. Wait."  
  
"Oh....very well then...." said Legolas, keeping the arrow trained on 'Saruman'.  
  
The wizard snapped his fingers. With a brilliant flash of light, his features began to change until he was revealed as....  
  
"Angeline!" shrieked Stephanie. "AHH! EW! KILL!"  
  
Turning to face her friends, Angeline raised her hand and spoke a word.  
  
The air sparkled, and their eyes cleared. Michelle was the first to react.  
  
She blinked and stared at the orc in her arms. "EW!" Pulling a dagger from her belt, she stabbed it to death.  
  
"Well, to tell you the truth, Victoria," replied Legolas, at last lowering his bow. "I DO like you."  
  
Victoria's eyes widened and she screamed. "EW! GROSS!"  
  
Legolas sighed.  
  
"Aw....poor little itty bitty Leggy-lass," said Rachel wickedly. "Did she turn you down?"  
  
Steph patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. "There, there, Legolas," she said. "It's okay."  
  
Katie grinned.  
  
"I think we should be going now," said Angeline. "I've found a rip in the boundary between our worlds. Say goodbye to your friends, people."  
  
"Goodbye," said Victoria. "I guess that fulfills the prophesy, then. Trust someone you normally wouldn't."  
  
"You heard that too?" asked Aragorn in surprise.  
  
Victoria smiled and nodded. "Goodbye." She turned to Angeline. "Let's go."  
  
Another snap of her fingers, and the girls vanished.  
  
*  
  
I'm dead. My English essay is due tomorrow, I have to practise my violin and I need to write a debate. Shit.  
  
Pleez review. 


	16. Epilogue

~ Chapter 16 ~  
  
(Epilogue)  
  
*sob*  
  
I'm always emotional about endings.  
  
*  
  
Several months later....  
  
As the Fellowship struggled to fight on, the hobbits could not help but feel dread.  
  
"Foight, boys!" cried Pippin valiantly. "Foight!"  
  
"There's no hope left, Pippin," sighed Merry.  
  
"Yes there IS," insisted Sam. "Right, Master Frodo?" He turned to smile at Frodo, but the hobbit was not there. "FRODO?"  
  
Frodo looked down at the Fellowship from the hillside. "I'm sorry, Sam," he whispered. "So sorry." On his finger, the Ring glowed gold.  
  
*  
  
After leaving the set of Lord of the Rings, Angeline and her friends were faced with another difficult decision. To return to Harry Potter or return to Australia, to resume their....ahem....'normal' lives?  
  
However, at last, thoughts of  
  
*takes a deep breath*  
  
Here goes.  
  
Gino, David, James, Seben (Eleben) and Freddy finally made up the girls' minds. Or at least what remained of them. With a sigh, Angeline opened the gateway that led back to their original lives, before they had left for Harry Potter world and Lord of the Rings. The place was known as....reality.  
  
Woah. How weird. What the hell is that?!  
  
They are now living in Australia again, and are currently attending Year 7. Even - yes, I know- Christina.  
  
Note: For the list of male names, their female attachees (no, that's not a real word. don't bother looking for it in the dictionary. I just made it up) are- in same order as list- Angeline, Christina, Christina (the same one), Michelle and Katie.  
  
Christina has two crushes. David and his older brother, James! Ew....  
  
So there ya go, Vicky. I kept your little secret about Clem-oops. I tried. Ah well.  
  
*  
  
Just wanted to tell u guyz that, although u were real shit at reviewing, u'r all stars.  
  
Thanx 4 reading my story. Luv ya all. 


End file.
